🐭 Mickey’s Rent Just Went Up

Disney’s latest move? A 30% price hike on the ad-supported Disney+ and Hulu bundle. Starting October 21, 2025, it’ll cost you $12.99/month to watch The Mandalorian interrupted by toothpaste commercials. That’s right—ads. You’re paying more to be sold stuff while watching stuff you already paid for.

🔥 The Kimmel Effect: 1.7 Million People Said “Nah, I’m Good”

Between September 17 and 23, during Jimmy Kimmel’s suspension from ABC, Disney reportedly lost 1.7 million subscribers across Disney+, Hulu, and ESPN+ (source: The Handbasket).

While that’s a small slice of Disney’s 207 million total subscribers, the churn rate during that week was nearly six times higher than normal. That’s not just a protest—it’s a subscriber stampede. Like Mickey opened the door and everyone ran out screaming, “I’m not paying $12.99 to watch toothpaste ads and pretend Secret Invasion was good!”

🧠 Why Is Disney Raising Prices Anyway?

1. Not Because Everyone’s Leaving (Yet)

Despite the Kimmel chaos, Disney still reported a net gain of 11.8 million subscribers in Q1 2025. So no, this isn’t a panic move—it’s a flex. They’re saying, “We know you’re mad, but you’ll come crawling back when Inside Out 2 drops.”

2. Strategic Monetization

Disney’s streaming empire is shifting from growth mode to profit mode. That means:

• Higher prices for ad-supported tiers
• Pushing users toward ad-free plans
• Bundling with ESPN+ and other services

3. Inflation and Content Costs

According to the USDA, consumer prices are expected to rise 2.2% in 2025. Streaming services aren’t immune. Disney’s content budget includes Marvel shows, Star Wars spin-offs, and live-action remakes that cost more than a Pentagon lunch meeting.

🏛️ DMV Breakdown: Local Frustration Meets Global Drama

In Washington D.C., Maryland, and Virginia, the cancellation trend mirrors the national spike. Regional search interest for “cancel Disney Plus” is highest in:

• Washington D.C.
• Baltimore, MD
• Arlington, VA

💸 Streaming Overload: The DMV Math

Let’s break this down DMV-style. You’ve got:

• Netflix: $15.49/month
• Max: $15.99/month
• Peacock: $11.99/month
• Paramount+: $11.99/month
• Apple TV+: $9.99/month
• Disney+/Hulu Bundle: $12.99/month

Total: $78.44/month just to watch reruns of The Office and Bluey. That’s not entertainment—that’s a second car payment.

🛑 Don’t Renew. Go Outside. Seriously.

Here’s the move: Don’t renew. Wait it out. Black Friday’s coming. You know what that means—streaming deals, bundle discounts, and maybe even a free trial if you pretend to be a new user named “Thompson W.”

In the meantime, go outside. Touch grass. Walk around the National Mall. Go yell at a squirrel. You don’t need to binge Ahsoka right now. You need vitamin D and a break from corporate gaslighting.

🎭 Satirical Rant: “You’re Paying for Ads?!”

“So let me get this straight—you’re paying $12.99 a month to watch ads? That’s like buying a sandwich and getting charged extra for the wrapper. You’re sitting there, watching The Mandalorian, and boom—‘Have you tried Geico?’ No, I haven’t! I’m trying to watch a space cowboy babysit a frog!”

“Disney’s like that friend who always forgets their wallet. You go out, they order the lobster, and then they’re like, ‘Oh, I forgot my card.’ Yeah, well I forgot to renew my subscription, pal!”

🧭 What You Can Do (Besides Screaming Into a Pillow)

• Cancel Now, Rejoin Later: Black Friday deals are coming. You might get $1/month for 3 months or a free trial.
• Use Free Alternatives: Montgomery County and D.C. libraries offer free streaming access to Kanopy and Hoopla.
• Split Accounts (Legally-ish): If your cousin in Arlington has Hulu and you’ve got Disney+, that’s a handshake deal waiting to happen.

🏁 Final Thoughts: Stream Smarter, DMV

Disney+ isn’t dying—but it’s definitely getting ghosted. The Kimmel suspension triggered a subscriber exodus, the price hike is confirmed, and the DMV is leading the charge. But you don’t have to rage-quit. You can:

• Cancel now
• Wait for Black Friday
• Use free alternatives
• Split costs with friends

Streaming is a luxury, not a utility. Treat it like one. And when Mickey comes knocking for rent money, you can say, “Not today, pal. I’m outside.”