🗳️ The Ghost of Polls Past

Remember the AP Polling Trackers the political equivalent of a Fitbit for democracy—tracking every heartbeat, skipped beat, and full-blown cardiac arrest of American opinion. But like your favorite discontinued snack, it’s gone. Vanished. Poof. Probably replaced by an AI that reads your tweets and decides if you’re mad at the president or just hangry.

According to recent data from NORC and Pew Research, President Biden’s approval rating in September 2025 hovers around 39%. That’s lower than the percentage of Americans who believe pineapple belongs on pizza. Disapproval? A spicy 56%. And the undecided 5%? They’re still trying to figure out how to mute political ads on YouTube.

🤹‍♂️ If Polls Were People

• Approval Ratings: Like your ex texting “I miss you” after you post a gym selfie.
• Disapproval Ratings: Like your boss scheduling a meeting at 4:59 PM on a Friday.
• Undecided Voters: The human version of “I’ll have what she’s having.”

📉 Issue-Based Sentiment: The National Anxiety Index

Polls show Americans are most concerned about:

1. Inflation – 72% say prices are rising faster than their patience.
2. Healthcare – 65% say they’d rather Google symptoms than pay a copay.
3. Climate Change – 58% believe the weather is trying to kill us.
4. Immigration – 50% are confused, 30% are angry, and 20% just want tacos.

🎭 Sketch Idea: “The Poll Whisperer”

Setup: A psychic who only reads polling data instead of tarot cards.

Characters: Poll Whisperer (wears a cape made of pie charts), Nervous Voter, Disillusioned Politician

Sample Dialogue:

Voter: Will the economy improve?

Poll Whisperer: The spirits say… 38% approve, 57% disapprove, and 5% are still waiting for their stimulus check.

Punchline: “I don’t predict the future—I just read the room. And the room is pissed.”

🧠 Methodology Breakdown

• Source: NORC, Pew Research, Gallup
• Sample Size: 1,000+ adults nationwide
• Margin of Error: ±3.9%
• Collection Method: Online and phone interviews

📚 Why It Matters

Polls aren’t perfect. They’re not prophetic. But they do give us a sense of whether we’re heading into sunshine or a political hurricane. Just remember: polls don’t vote—people do. But polls do make great punchlines.