Apple Vision Pro 2: The DMV’s Newest Status Symbol

Apple just dropped the Vision Pro 2, and if you live in Washington D.C., Maryland, or Virginia, you’re legally required to pretend you understand what spatial computing means. The new headset promises to blend your digital life with your real one—because apparently, your real life wasn’t depressing enough.

What’s New?

• Retina-searing resolution
• Battery life that lasts longer than your last relationship
• DMV-specific apps like “Metro Delay Simulator” and “Parking Ticket AR”

Apple claims it’s the future of work, play, and ignoring your family at dinner. But let’s be honest—this thing is just a $3,499 excuse to look like a futuristic bug while doomscrolling in 3D.

DMV Reactions

In Bethesda, one man wore it to a Whole Foods and accidentally bought $400 worth of kombucha. In Arlington, a woman used it to attend five Zoom meetings simultaneously and still got nothing done. And in D.C., someone tried to use it to navigate the Metro and ended up in Baltimore.

Final Thoughts

Apple Vision Pro 2 is sleek, expensive, and confusing—just like dating in the DMV. But hey, if you’ve got the cash and the neck strength, go ahead and strap in. Reality is overrated anyway.