Quantum Leaps in the Capital

IBM and Google announced quantum computing breakthroughs, and Washington D.C. is pretending to understand. Quantum computing is basically math on steroids—think calculus doing CrossFit. Politicians are calling it ‘the future,’ which is funny because they still fax each other lunch orders.

Quantum computers can solve problems faster than your cousin can ruin Thanksgiving. DMV startups are hyped, but let’s be real—most of us still struggle with Wi-Fi passwords.

Comedy Bits:

• Quantum computing explained: It’s like regular computing, but with more existential dread.
• Imagine a Senate hearing where someone asks, ‘Can it run Minesweeper?’

If quantum computers can predict the future, maybe they can tell us when Metro will run on time.