**Intro:** Cybersecurity jobs in the DMV are booming. CyberSeek reports D.C. has 30,000+ openings. Forget affairs—data leaks are the real Capitol gossip.
**The Stakes:** Ransomware attacks on federal agencies rose 40% in 2024 (CISA). Politicians now brag about their VPNs during debates.
**Comedic Bits:** Lobbyists flirt by asking, “What’s your encryption protocol?” Campaign scandals now involve leaked playlists instead of emails.
**Big Paychecks:** Cybersecurity salaries in D.C. average $130K—because paranoia pays.
**SEO Strategy:** Keywords like ‘D.C. cybersecurity jobs,’ ‘Maryland tech careers,’ and ‘Virginia data privacy.’
**Closing Punchline:** If you think your secrets are safe, remember: even your yoga playlist is being hacked.