📚 Welcome to the DMV School System: Where the Only Thing Growing Is the Superintendent’s Salary

If you live in Montgomery County, Maryland or Fairfax County, Virginia, congratulations—you’re funding a real-life reboot of The Hunger Games: Classroom Edition. While your child’s classroom now resembles a packed Metro car during rush hour, county officials are enjoying raises so generous they could probably afford private school for their own kids. Irony? Meet your new homeroom teacher.

🏫 Montgomery County: Budget Cuts with a Side of Bonuses

Montgomery County’s FY25 budget clocks in at a whopping $7.6 billion, but don’t let that number fool you. The education budget is being “realigned”, which is bureaucratese for “we cut stuff but made it sound like a TED Talk.”

• Class sizes are increasing, with some schools reporting over 30 students per room.
• Teacher vacancies remain high, while hiring freezes are quietly in place.
• Top county officials received raises, with some administrative salaries jumping by 10–12%.

And just to sweeten the irony sundae, the county passed Bill 21-25, which increases tax credits for child care businesses—great for private centers, not so much for public school classrooms that are bursting at the seams.

🧾 Fairfax County: Where the Chalkboard Is Optional, But Bonuses Aren’t

Fairfax County’s 2025 budget recommendations include increased administrative salaries and reduced allocations for classroom support. Translation: the folks in suits are doing great, but your kid’s teacher is still buying markers out of pocket.

• Hiring for new teachers is down, while administrative roles are expanding.
• Class sizes are creeping toward 35 students per room in some high-density schools.
• Bonuses for senior officials are up, with some departments seeing double-digit percentage increases.

And while parents are being asked to donate supplies, volunteer time, and attend town halls, the county’s top brass are enjoying ergonomic chairs and freshly brewed lattes.

📉 National Trends: The Great American Education Shrink-a-thon

Across the U.S., counties are following the same playbook:

1. Cut classroom budgets.
2. Increase class sizes.
3. Give raises to top officials.
4. Blame it on inflation, the pandemic, or Mercury in retrograde.

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, math and reading scores have dropped to their lowest levels in decades, especially among middle schoolers. But instead of investing in more teachers or tutoring programs, many districts are padding administrative budgets.

• Student-to-teacher ratios are rising, especially in urban and suburban counties.
• Federal and state funding is being redirected toward “digital learning initiatives” (read: more Zoom, fewer teachers).
• Administrative costs are ballooning, while classroom resources are stagnating.

🧮 DMV Math: Taxpayer Dodgeball Edition

County	Education Cuts	Class Size Impact	Official Raises
Montgomery	Budget “realignment” with reduced classroom support	+5–10 students per class	10–12% for top officials
Fairfax	Reduced teacher hiring, increased admin roles	Up to 35 students per class	Double-digit raises in some departments
National	Flat K–12 funding, rising admin costs	16:1 average, higher in urban areas	Growing executive compensation

🧠 What’s the Real Cost?

• Average teacher salary increase (if any): 2–3%
• Average administrator salary increase: 10–15%
• Classroom size increase: +5–10 students per room
• Student learning outcomes: TBD, but probably somewhere between “meh” and “please send help”

Meanwhile, parents are being asked to fundraise for basic supplies, while county executives are walking into boardrooms with freshly printed bonus checks.

🛠️ Solutions? Or Just More Buzzwords?

Counties claim they’re working on solutions. These include:

• “Digital learning initiatives” (translation: more Zoom, fewer teachers)
• “Community partnerships” (translation: asking local businesses to donate pencils)
• “Equity audits” (translation: we hired a consultant to tell us we’re broke)

But until someone decides that kids deserve more than overcrowded classrooms and underpaid teachers, the only thing growing in public education will be the frustration—and the superintendent’s paycheck.

🎤 Final Bell: Satire Meets Reality

So next time you hear your county brag about “record investments in education,” ask them how many of those dollars actually made it to the classroom. Because in Montgomery, Fairfax, and counties across the country, the real lesson seems to be: If you want a raise, don’t teach—just manage the people who do.

And if your kid’s classroom starts to look like a game of sardines, just remember: somewhere in the county office, someone’s sipping artisanal coffee and enjoying their taxpayer-funded raise.