Universal Basic Income in D.C.: The Government Wants to Pay You to Chill (Sort Of)

Washington D.C. is officially debating a Universal Basic Income (UBI) pilot program, and residents are asking the only logical question: “Wait, you’re giving me money… for existing?” Yes. Kind of. Maybe. It’s complicated, like your relationship with brunch.

What’s the Plan?

The proposed pilot would give select D.C. residents a monthly stipend—no strings attached. That means no job requirements, no paperwork, and no awkward interviews where you pretend to care about synergy.

Supporters say it’s a way to fight poverty, empower communities, and finally make up for that time the Metro broke down during rush hour and no one apologized.

DMV Reactions

• In Northeast D.C., someone asked if they could use the money to start a podcast about UBI. (Yes, but please don’t.)
• In Arlington, a man said, “I’ll take the money, but only if it comes with a tote bag.”
• In Bethesda, a woman tried to Venmo request the city in advance. It didn’t work, but it was bold.

Critics Speak Out

Opponents argue it’s expensive, unsustainable, and might encourage people to spend their days binge-watching documentaries about other failed pilot programs. Others worry it’ll be used to replace actual social services with vibes and hope.

The Bigger Picture

UBI is being tested in cities across the country, but D.C.’s version is unique because it’s happening in the shadow of Congress, which still thinks “basic income” means a senator’s lunch allowance.

Final Thoughts

If you’re in D.C. and wondering whether you’ll get paid to exist, stay tuned. The debate is heating up, and if it passes, you might finally be able to afford that artisanal oat milk without guilt. Or at least without overdrafting.