INTRO: Welcome to the History Channel—Now With More Gaslighting
In a move that historians are calling “a bold leap into fiction,” House Republicans are reportedly working on a narrative reboot of the January 6 Capitol riot. The goal? To reframe the event not as a violent attack on democracy, but as a misunderstood protest—like Woodstock, but with fewer guitars and more zip ties.
According to FactCheck.org, this revisionist push includes claims that the original Jan. 6 Committee destroyed evidence (it didn’t), that the rioters were peaceful (they weren’t), and that the real victims were the people who stormed the Capitol (they weren’t either). [FactChecki…pitol Riot]
So grab your popcorn and your constitutional amendments—we’re about to watch history get the Hollywood treatment.
🧠 SEGMENT 1: “It Was Just a Tour, Bro”
Let’s start with the greatest hits. One of the most persistent talking points is that Jan. 6 was basically a rowdy sightseeing tour. You know, like if your grandma’s bus group accidentally breached national security.
- New Narrative: Protesters were “let in” by Capitol Police.
- Actual Footage: People smashing windows, scaling walls, and chanting “Hang Mike Pence” like it’s a twisted halftime show.
This is the political equivalent of calling the Titanic a “minor boating incident.” Sure, there was water. Sure, there was screaming. But hey, some people made it out alive, right?
🧃 SEGMENT 2: “The Real Victims Are… the Rioters?”
In a plot twist worthy of a Netflix docuseries, some lawmakers are pushing the idea that the real victims of Jan. 6 are the people who broke in. That’s right—those who smeared feces on the walls are now being cast as political prisoners.
- Talking Point: The DOJ is “weaponized” against conservatives.
- Reality Check: Over 1,200 people have been charged, with hundreds convicted based on video evidence, social media posts, and, you know, confessions. [FactChecki…pitol Riot]
It’s like robbing a bank, getting caught on camera, and then suing the bank for emotional distress because the vault was too cold.
📚 SEGMENT 3: “Delete the Evidence, Delete the Truth”
Another spicy claim floating around is that the original Jan. 6 Committee “destroyed evidence.” This one’s got more legs than a centipede in a tap-dancing contest.
- Fact Check: The committee released an 800+ page report, archived video footage, and transcripts. Nothing was destroyed—unless you count reputations. [Meme Rehas…d Evidence]
- Meme Culture: Social media is flooded with graphics that look like they were made in MS Paint by someone who thinks “deep state” is a sandwich.
This is the political equivalent of saying your dog ate your homework, then blaming the neighbor’s cat for being woke.
🧨 SEGMENT 4: “The MAGA Musical: Now With More Fog Machines”
Let’s be honest—this isn’t just about rewriting history. It’s about rebranding. The GOP wants to turn Jan. 6 into a rallying cry, a mythic moment of resistance, like the Boston Tea Party but with more tactical vests and fewer coherent slogans.
Expect:
- Documentaries with titles like “Freedom Under Siege: The Day Democracy Fought Back”
- Merch drops featuring slogans like “I Was There (Allegedly)”
- Fundraisers where you can buy a commemorative zip tie with your name engraved
It’s not history—it’s cosplay with a legal defense fund.
🧭 SEGMENT 5: “What’s the Endgame Here?”
So why rewrite Jan. 6? Simple: 2026 midterms are coming, and nothing rallies a base like a good ol’ fashioned grievance buffet.
- Strategic Goal: Shift focus from Trump’s legal troubles to “deep state persecution.”
- Tactical Move: Use congressional hearings to muddy the waters, confuse voters, and create viral moments for cable news.
It’s not about truth—it’s about traction. And if you can’t win the argument, win the algorithm.
🧹 WRAP-UP: History Is a Battlefield—Bring a Helmet
In the end, the attempt to rewrite Jan. 6 isn’t just political theater—it’s political improv. And like most improv, it’s awkward, confusing, and someone always ends up yelling “Yes, and!” at the wrong time.
But here’s the kicker: history doesn’t care about your rebrand. It’s got receipts, timestamps, and a very judgmental Wikipedia page.
So whether you call it an insurrection, a protest, or a misunderstood flash mob, one thing’s clear—America’s memory might be short, but the internet never forgets.