**Intro:** Stress levels in D.C. are higher than rent prices. CDC data shows anxiety rates spiked 25% post-2024 elections. Cue the rise of goat yoga in Alexandria.
**Overview:** Wellness isn’t just a trend—it’s a bipartisan coping mechanism.
**Body:**
– **Policy Pilates:** Gyms in D.C. now offer classes where you stretch while debating tax reform.
– **Mindfulness Apps Lobbying:** Meditation apps are lobbying for tax breaks. Calm wants a seat at the table.
– **Mental Health Spending:** HHS reports mental health spending in D.C. rose 18% in 2024.
**Comedic Bits:** Politicians brag about their mindfulness streaks during debates. Yoga studios now have campaign donation QR codes next to the incense.
**SEO Strategy:** Keywords like ‘DMV mental health,’ ‘Washington D.C. wellness,’ and ‘stress relief trends.’
**Punchline:** Nothing says inner peace like meditating next to a guy live-streaming his downward dog for campaign donations.
**Closing:** Wellness isn’t just a lifestyle—it’s a survival tactic in the DMV.