The 2025 NFL season is already off to a wild start, and we haven’t even hit Week 1. From AI play-callers to Lamar Jackson’s left-handed bombs, here’s your satirical NFL news roundup and a data-driven (but still hilarious) look at who’s most likely to win Super Bowl LIX. Spoiler: Baltimore’s got that DMV swagger.
The Washington Commanders are entering the 2025–2026 NFL season with a new playbook, a new attitude, and—if rumors are true—a functioning offensive line. From preseason hype to postgame heartbreak, here’s your full comedic breakdown of what to expect from D.C.’s most emotionally exhausting sports franchise.