The American Dream, Now with a Cover Charge: Trump’s Imaginary $100K H-1B Visa Fee

Welcome to America—Please Insert $100,000 to Continue

Imagine this: You’re a brilliant software engineer from Bangalore. You’ve got a Stanford degree, a job offer from Google, and a dream to build the next AI that can write Drake lyrics in Sanskrit. But before you can step foot in Silicon Valley, Uncle Sam hits you with a bill: $100,000.

Why? Because in this fictional universe, Donald J. Trump has decided that the best way to “protect American jobs” is to turn the H-1B visa program into a luxury subscription service. Think Netflix, but instead of binge-watching, you’re binge-working.

The Imaginary Announcement

Trump (in our parody): “We’re going to make immigration profitable, folks. No more freebies. If you want to come here and take our jobs, you better pay like you’re buying a condo in Trump Tower. $100,000. It’s classy. It’s exclusive. It’s America.”

Reporter: “Sir, what about the economic impact?”

Trump: “Look, I love the economy. I invented the economy. But we’re losing money on smart people. We need to monetize brains. It’s called capitalism. Ever heard of it?”

The Economics of Absurdity

• Current H-1B visa fees: Around $1,710–$6,460 depending on company size and legal fees (source: USCIS).
• Trump’s fictional fee: $100,000. That’s not a visa—that’s a down payment on a Tesla Cybertruck with flamethrower add-ons.
• Annual H-1B cap: 85,000 visas. Multiply that by $100K and you’ve got $8.5 billion in revenue. Or as Trump might call it, “a good weekend at Mar-a-Lago.”

Tech Industry Reacts (Fictionally, But Barely)

Elon Musk: “Charging $100K for a visa is like charging rent for Mars. It’s anti-progress.”

Mark Zuckerberg: “We’ll just build our own country in the metaverse. No visas required. Just NFTs and awkward eye contact.”

Satya Nadella: “Microsoft will offer scholarships for H-1B applicants. Also, we’re buying LinkedIn again just to delete this nonsense.”

The Human Cost: From Talent to Toll Booth

The H-1B program isn’t just a bureaucratic buzzword—it’s a lifeline for global talent. Engineers, doctors, researchers, and data scientists use it to contribute to the U.S. economy. According to the National Foundation for American Policy, over 70% of tech workers in Silicon Valley are foreign-born.

Now imagine telling them: “Welcome to America. That’ll be $100K, plus tax, plus a processing fee, plus a tip for the immigration officer.”

The Campaign Slogan We Didn’t Ask For

• “Make Immigration Pay Again”
• “No Free Passports”
• “Brains Are Expensive”

And of course, the merch:

• “I Paid $100K to Code in America” mugs
• “H-1B Elite Club” hats
• Trump-branded Visa Debit Cards (actual visas not included)

Fact Check: What’s Actually Real?

Let’s pause the satire and hit you with some real facts:

• ✅ No $100K H-1B visa fee proposal from Trump or any U.S. government agency as of September 2025.
• ✅ CNN has not reported such a policy. The claim appears to be fictional or satirical in origin.
• ✅ USCIS continues to list standard H-1B fees in the $1,710–$6,460 range.
• ✅ FactCheck.org and other watchdogs have not found any credible evidence of this proposal.

Why This Satire Works

This isn’t just a roast of Trump—it’s a roast of how we talk about immigration. Turning visas into luxury items is a parody of a real tension: how do we balance national interest with global talent?

The U.S. tech industry thrives on diversity. From Sundar Pichai (Google) to Satya Nadella (Microsoft), immigrant leaders have shaped the digital world. Pricing them out isn’t just bad policy—it’s bad business.

What If It Did Happen?

• Startups pivot to hiring only U.S. citizens. Your next app is built by your cousin who once fixed a printer.
• Visa consultants become the new real estate agents. “I can get you a visa for $90K if you’re okay with a view of Newark.”
• H-1B auctions become a reality show. “Next up, a full-stack developer from Mumbai. Do I hear $105K?”

Final Thoughts: The Price of the American Dream

The American Dream was never supposed to come with a price tag. It was supposed to be about opportunity, not exclusivity. Turning immigration into a pay-to-play system is like charging rent for the Statue of Liberty’s torch.

So no, Trump hasn’t proposed a $100K H-1B fee. But if he ever does, we’ll be ready—with jokes, facts, and a GoFundMe for every coder trying to make it in America.