💸 “Treasury Bills: The Government’s Favorite Game of ‘How Low Can You Go?’”
October 12, 2025 | Washington D.C. Edition
By: Nkahoot – Your Late-Night Financial Therapist with a Blog
By: Nkahoot – Your Late-Night Financial Therapist with a Blog
🧠 Overview:
If you’ve ever wanted to feel the thrill of investing without the burden of actual returns, Treasury Bills in October 2025 are your jam. These short-term government IOUs are the financial equivalent of lending your cousin $100 and getting $100.03 back six months later—except your cousin is the U.S. government, and they’re slightly more reliable.
📉 What Are Treasury Bills, and Why Are They So… Meh Right Now?
Treasury Bills (T-Bills) are short-term government securities that mature in 4, 13, 26, or 52 weeks. They’re sold at a discount and pay face value at maturity. The difference? That’s your “interest.” And by interest, we mean the financial equivalent of a participation trophy.
As of October 12, 2025, here’s what the U.S. Treasury is offering:
| Term | Yield (Annualized) | DMV Reaction |
|---|---|---|
| 4-week | 5.03% | “That’s cute.” |
| 13-week | 5.12% | “Still not beating my HOA fees.” |
| 26-week | 5.18% | “Better than my savings account, I guess.” |
| 52-week | 5.21% | “I’ll check back after the election.” |
(Source: https://home.treasury.gov)
🏛️ Washington D.C.: Where T-Bills Are the New Brunch
In the nation’s capital, where brunch is a religion and everyone’s a policy analyst, T-Bills are the new avocado toast. Why? Because they’re safe, predictable, and give you just enough ROI to feel like you’re doing something with your money—without actually risking it.
Local Trend Alert:
D.C. millennials are now hosting “T-Bill & Chill” parties. Bring your own bond, wear your best Patagonia vest, and talk about how you’re “diversifying your short-term liquidity exposure.”
D.C. millennials are now hosting “T-Bill & Chill” parties. Bring your own bond, wear your best Patagonia vest, and talk about how you’re “diversifying your short-term liquidity exposure.”
🦀 Maryland: Crabs, Crabcakes, and Conservative Investments
In Maryland, where the state crustacean is more valuable than Bitcoin, T-Bills are the go-to for retirees and cautious investors. With the state’s aging population and a strong public sector workforce, short-term government securities are like the Old Bay of finance—reliable, salty, and always in the pantry.
Fun Fact:
Anne Arundel County libraries now offer free financial literacy classes titled: “T-Bills: Because You’re Too Old for Crypto.”
Anne Arundel County libraries now offer free financial literacy classes titled: “T-Bills: Because You’re Too Old for Crypto.”
🐎 Virginia: Tech Bros Meet Treasury Bros
Northern Virginia’s tech corridor is full of young professionals who made a killing on NFTs in 2021 and are now trying to “play it safe.” Enter: T-Bills.
New Trend:
Startups in Arlington are offering employee bonuses in 13-week T-Bills. It’s like stock options, but with less heartbreak and more paperwork.
Startups in Arlington are offering employee bonuses in 13-week T-Bills. It’s like stock options, but with less heartbreak and more paperwork.
Meanwhile, in Richmond, state legislators are debating whether to park surplus funds in T-Bills or just bury them in a Mason jar behind the Capitol.
🤡 The Comedy of “Safe” Investing
Let’s be honest: T-Bills are the financial equivalent of dating someone because your mom likes them. They’re not exciting, but they won’t ghost you, crash your car, or start a podcast about crypto.
Pros:
- Backed by the U.S. government (aka the world’s most powerful debtor)
- Short-term = less risk
- Great for parking cash while you wait for the next recession
Cons:
- Returns barely beat inflation
- You’ll fall asleep reading the prospectus
- Your friends will stop inviting you to poker night
📈 Who’s Buying T-Bills in 2025?
- Federal Reserve: Still playing the world’s most expensive game of Jenga with interest rates.
- Banks: Because even they don’t trust the stock market right now.
- DMV Residents: Especially those who just sold their homes and are waiting for the housing market to stop acting like a toddler on Red Bull.
🧮 Inflation vs. T-Bills: The DMV Showdown
With inflation hovering around 3.8% (down from 6.2% in 2024), T-Bills are finally offering real returns—barely. But let’s not get too excited. After taxes, fees, and the emotional cost of watching your friends get rich on meme stocks, you’re still coming out with enough to buy a latte. Maybe.
🧠 Expert Opinions (That Sound Like Stand-Up Bits)
Janet from Bethesda (retired librarian):
“I like T-Bills. They’re like my ex-husband—boring, but at least they show up on time.”
“I like T-Bills. They’re like my ex-husband—boring, but at least they show up on time.”
Darnell from Southeast D.C. (Uber driver and crypto enthusiast):
“Man, I bought T-Bills once. Felt like I was investing in a government nap.”
“Man, I bought T-Bills once. Felt like I was investing in a government nap.”
Sasha from Arlington (tech startup founder):
“I use T-Bills to offset my risk portfolio. Also, they make me sound responsible on dates.”
“I use T-Bills to offset my risk portfolio. Also, they make me sound responsible on dates.”
🧾 Final Thoughts: Should You Buy T-Bills?
If you’re in the DMV and you’ve got cash sitting in a checking account earning 0.01%, T-Bills might be your new best friend. They’re not sexy, but they’re stable. Like a Subaru Outback or a well-seasoned cast iron skillet.
But if you’re looking to get rich quick? You’re better off selling pumpkin spice NFTs to tourists on the National Mall.