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Yoga and kale collide with D.C. politics in a comic-style wellness scene.
Health & Wellness

Wellness in Washington: Yoga, Kale, and Existential Dread

Washington D.C. residents are chasing wellness like it’s a congressional seat—yoga studios on every block, kale smoothies priced like rent, and meditation apps promising calm during Metro chaos.

Avatar photo Nkahoot 4 days ago 0 4

Wellness in Washington: Yoga, Kale, and Existential Dread

Washington D.C. is obsessed with wellness. Yoga studios are multiplying faster than lobbyists during election season, kale smoothies cost more than parking tickets, and meditation apps promise inner peace while your Metro train is stuck between Foggy Bottom and nowhere. Welcome to the DMV health craze—where stress relief is stressful and self-care feels like a full-time job.

The Rise of Yoga Politics

Every block in D.C. has a yoga studio now. Capitol Hill staffers are doing downward dog before drafting bills. Arlington moms are hitting hot yoga like it’s a congressional hearing. According to

Kale Smoothies: The DMV’s Green Gold

Kale is the unofficial vegetable of Washington. Georgetown cafés sell kale smoothies for $14, which is ironic because kale tastes like punishment. Influencers swear by detox cleanses, posting captions like “Just reset my gut!” Meanwhile, their followers are wondering if gut resets come with student loan forgiveness.

Meditation Apps vs. Metro Delays

Meditation apps are booming in the DMV. Calm, Headspace, Insight Timer—they all promise serenity. But let’s be real: No app can fix the rage you feel when your Red Line train is delayed for the third time this week. According to

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